Would you like a falafel with that?

tomoatmeal:

Our neighbor was killed after getting run over by a car.  My wife Diane said that God must have needed him for a reason, but I told her that that was a stupid thing to say. Then Diane said that she didn’t really mean it, but it was helpful for the grieving process.  I guess.  If we’re suddenly trying to be helpful Diane then maybe you can help me cut out these coupons for Applebee’s. 

The coupons will allow us to upgrade to garlic mashed potatoes for free instead of paying a dollar extra like our stupid friends George and Linda will have to do.  I can’t wait to see the look on George’s fat face when he realizes that we’ve outdone them.  What’s that Diane?  You don’t want garlic mashed potatoes?  You want regular mashed potatoes?  Damn you, quit acting like a poor person and just eat the expensive garlic mashed potatoes!  I need this!